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Friday, October 2, 2009

Scarlet Skin

Yes, its just as ouch as it looks...this was taken on Monday this week after spending a few hours cleaning our swimming pool on Sunday.  Before you ask, I do know what sun screen is and I did put on.  I put sun screen on my arms and front but forgot to get someone to lube my back up.   Sexy, hey?
You'd think a Scots lass with translucent skin would have learnt about the vicious African sun by now.

 I have been in South Africa for nearly 30 years.  Oh Crikey, I shouldn't say that - it makes me sound like a dinosaur!!

Emma Watson Does Grazia Magazine

Emma Watson Does Grazia Magazine

Emma Watson does Grazia magazine, Australian for october 2009 issue

Emma Watson Emma Watson Emma Watson

Do You See It?

Look very carefully at this picture

....what do you see??





Look at the fish....




.....can you see it yet?...




.....yes....




 it does say.....





...FUCK!

A Month's Worth of Blepharospasm

So you're asking yourself what the fuck is a Blepharospasm?  Right?  Oh I can hear your brain burning...

Well, lemmie tell you Plonkers.  It is the technical term for involuntary eye twitching or eye spasms. Elephantiasis is more specifically defined as an abnormal involuntary blinking or spasm of the eyelids.

I have experienced this on an off for about a month now.

It all started one morning when I was in a hurry to get to work and was rushing to get ready.  I was putting on my mascara, the mascara brush slipped and scratched against my eye-ball.  Yes, I did say a lot of Fuckity Fuck Fuck words that morning and it was muthafuckin sore. 

Anyway, that day my eye started jumping and twitching (its more of a tiny muscle spasm) and its been doing it on and off ever since.  Its been about a month now since it started.  It starts as soon as I put my mascara on and its only in my right eye.  (The eye I tried to gauge out with the mascara brush). 

It is starting to irritate the crap out of me now!  It normally starts when I start to talk to someone or concentrate too hard.  WFT?!?!  I sometimes put pressure on the eye just to get it to stop.  It only works sometimes. 

Has anyone else experienced this?   

Or is it just a friendly prior warning that the Big Men with the White Coats are coming to get me?

I googled and got this?  There is even an Eye Twitching Forum that I can join.


Causes of Eye Twitching:

There are various causes of eye twitching in its serious and not so serious formats. The more common causes for eye twitching include:
  • Stress
  • Corneal irritation or injury
  • Lack of sleep
  • Fatigue
  • Prolonged staring or eye strain
  • Neurological disorders
  • Possibly Hereditary 
  •  
    Whatever the cause its fucking annoying!!
    Perhaps I should try poke a hole in my other eyeball and it might cease?!
     

Just Fred - Friday Funny



A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my MD because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.  Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Up in 3D

Megan and My Boerewors went to go and watch Up in 3D yesterday afternoon. 
They both thoroughly enjoyed it and had a blast.




Cross-eyed Mummy with the 3D glasses on



Afterwards they went to visit The Magic Company and played games until Kaylin and I joined them for an early supper at The Spur. I must just sing Spur's praises as an awesome kiddie-friendly restaurant.  As a parent, you can sit down and enjoy a meal and a couple of drinks while the kids play upstairs in the play area.  The play area has a trampoline and jungle gyms for the little ones and Playstation Games for the older kids. They had three child minders up there and Kiddie-Cams on the TV's downstairs for us to watch them in action which impressed me no end.

Pretty kewl. I think I'll be back there for supper and a visit...don't order the calamari though - its as dry as a nun's tit.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Twenty Five Firsts

Knicked this from Angel's Mind

1. Who was your first prom date?
We were not allowed to take partners from outside the school to our matric dance.  So my best friend and I went together.  I wore a very short 80's rouged rust coloured dress and thought I looked amazing with my teased, spiral-permed hair.  Those were the days, my friend...

2. Do you still talk to your first love?
No.  A Scotsman and an apprentice jeweler when I met him.   We dated for four years before he cheated on me with someone in our group of friends.  I took him back but it was never the same.  We agreed to part about 6 months after that and I only spoke to him once after that.  He took credit for anonymous flowers that were sent to me on Valentines Day - it turned out NOT to be him that sent the flowers. 

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Esprit.  It was a sparklin alcoholic flavoured wine.  Oh we were wicked...

4. What was your first job?
I worked at Spar.  I lied about my age to get the job as I wanted to save for a motorbike.  My dad had promised me that if I paid half, he'd fork out the other have.  I was 14 and said I was 16.  I worked at the cigarette counter and often nicked the pick-n-mix sweets just because the @sshole paid us R2.00 an hour!  Cheap bastid.

5. What was your first car?
A Baby Blue Ford Escort 1.3 which actually had a 1.1 engine and ran on 3 cylinders.  His name was Clifford.

6. Who was the first person to text you today?
Tandy - she's have embryos implanted today.  I was wished her all the best

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
My Boerewors

8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs McPherson - she was a s-e-r-i-a-s anorexic and often made me stand in the her dark store room for talking in class.  Biatch!

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane?
From London to Johannesburg.  When we emigrated to South Africa from Scotland.  A boeing 747 and I was as sick as a dog.  Vomited in a sick bag and everything.

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk?
My best friend in primary school was Tania.  She had a farm and we'd go riding on weekends.  Her mum was a bit psycho and used to talk to ghosts.

11. Where was your first sleepover?
I can't remember.  Probably Tania's house.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today?
Megan - she slept in our bed after spilling her juice in her bed.

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time?
My sister's first wedding.  I was her bridesmaid and wore a beautiful bottle green dress which I still have.  It depresses me to know I was that skinny at one point and I thought I was FAT. 

14. What was the first thing you did this morning?
Went for a Pee.

15. What was the first concert you went to?
That would have been the Rolling Stones.  Best frikken R100 I eva spent.  They will phenomenal!  I couldn't take my eyes off Mick Jagger and when he started singing "Angie", I grabbed some random bloke and asked him to put me on his shoulders so I could see better.  I stayed there for the rest of the concert.  Awesome! Awesome!

16. First tattoo?
That would be a black widow spider on my foot which I had done when I was 18 and wasted.  I now have five.

17. First piercing?
That would be my ears.  My Aunty Isobel took me to have it done and I must've been about 8 or 9 years old.  I thought I was the bees-knees.  Still have my tongue pierced, took my navel piercing out when I was preggies with Megan.

18. First foreign country you went to?
When I came to South Africa from Scotland when I was 10.

19. First movie you remember seeing?
We used to watch the Wizard of Oz on Christmas Eve.  It was a sort of tradition.

20. What state did you first live in?
Killie, Scotland

21. Who was your first room mate?
Mark Crabb - my first serious boyfriend.

22. When was your first detention?
Grade One if you count Mrs McPherson locking me in her dark store room.  Anorexic Pyscho Bitch!

23. If you had one wish what would it be?
To live long enough to see my daughters finding their true love, getting married and having their own babies.  To experience grand-children.

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance?
To fly a helicopter

25. What was the name of your imaginary friend?
Julie.  She had dark hair, big blue eyes, incredibly pretty with an Irish Accent.