Monday Male

Meet Bob (not his real name) from NoWriter, JustAnOverthinker who is another interesting Scotsman who's blog I love to visit.

Oh great thanks to Gillian and her Monday Male, I have a chance to talk about myself in a new arena, just the excuse I need. I suppose those of you who don't know me might wonder who I am. In the blogging arena my alter ego is known as Scotsman and my blogging home is No Writer, Just An Overthinker.

 As you might guess from that I am Scottish. I can be found living in the Good Ole U S of A in a State where the people rarely understand my accent. The reason for living there? Well that comes down to having met a Chilean woman, only the second Hispanic I ever met, what happened to the first? Well as nice as he was he just didn't do it for me.

What else can I say about me? I'm a protestant Glasgow Celtic fan, which to the rest of the world probably doesn't mean that much but if you were from Glasgow and knew the history of the place it might go some way to explaining why I no longer live there. I have two step kids, one six, one a couple of weeks shy of being four who both have been converted into loving their 'chips' but on occasion think I'm too 'Scottish.' Kids!

I started blogging because I wanted a book deal, a movie deal and a biography deal. Actually that's a lie, that sounds like too much pressure and commitment for someone with no writing skills. I blog because its fun and I occasionally need an outlet for the pish that rolls around inside my heid.


Now to the questions that Gillian set, I was hoping for multiple choice but nae such luck.

1. Where were you born in Scotland and when did you leave to go to the good ol' U S of A?

I was born in Glasgow in the year of the snake a few hours after the King of Rock N Roll died and moved to the USA last year not much more than a few months before the King of Pop died. Sounds egotistical but I might be bad luck to musical royalty.

2. Are you a true Scotsman in the sense that you're stingy with your money or will you, on occassion, buy someone else a pint?

I'm careful with my money but if I've got it I'll spend it. Though you won't find me in a bar in Utah very often, thanks to the Mormons its kind of hard to find one.

3. What is the best thing about being married to a Chilean woman?

Oh thats easy, milk chocolate nipples. They are better than Tunnocks Tea Cakes any day of the week.

We are surprisingly very similar despite our upbringing so its probably a close run thing between my poor attempt at picking up Spanish and my lack of dancing skills that give my new family the most laughs.

4. Why do most men refused to ask for directions?

Men like the scenic route. Dr Livingstone wasn't lost, he was exploring, meeting new people.

5. As a Scotsman - Celtic or Rangers?

I was never a season ticket holder due to not having the time to take Saturday's off work so I never saw a Celtic vs Rangers game at Parkhead. However when I was younger and a student I did work at Ibrox for a season and a half as a match Steward. As a result I did take in a couple of Rangers vs Celtic games. I spent most of the game looking up to into the stands with my back facing the pitch so instead of enjoying the game I was looking at around 15000 very angry Rangers supporters while their team was getting beat. Any time I heard the words "He's a Celtic fan!" I would shrink a little more into the neck collar of my jacket until I determined that the person shouting was pointing at me. On those match days the walk to Buchanan Bus Station after the game seemed to take a little longer.


Why the rivalry between the clubs? I don't know. Could be its not helped by the fact that they are the two biggest clubs in Scotland, the Ireland connection and the fact that young people are inventive when it comes to keeping warm on a cold Scottish night.

6. What would be written on your gravestone?

Here lies a few bones and lots of hungry creepy crawlies looking for their next meal to feed on.

7. If you had a movie made about yerself? What would it be called and who would play your role?

What Did He Do? A first time actor I had never heard of and wouldn't hear of again.

8. Does it matter to men whether she has natural or fake boobs?

It matters to me that my wife has some very fine natural ones.

9. Who is your alter ego and why?

Other than blogging I'm too lazy to have an alter ego, now give me the remote to the tv - oh wait there are more questions?

10. What do you think would make men and women live happily ever after?

Not even bank managers believe in fairy tales anymore.

11. If you could have a super power for a day, which would you choose and why?

It would be nice to be able to click my finger and instantly have the dinner of my choice laid out in a plate before me. What do you call that power? Greed or a restaurants worst nightmare?

12. Do women pre-judge men on their outta wrapping?

Of course. My wife thought I was flaco (that's Chilean for skinny) and anorexic, but this flaco like Dr Jekyll hides a secret and is actually a chancho (that's Chilean for pig) by night.

13. Do blondes (I'm talking women naturally) really have more fun?

I don't know about the fun element because I've never really been attracted to blondes.

14. Do you belive in love at first sight?

I don't believe it works for the blind.

15. A threesome. Who would your two women be and why?

I ain't a juggler and despite living in a the US I don't feel the need for a lawyer, a psychiatrist or depression pills, I'm happy with one woman at a time thanks she more than keeps me happy.


Is that the end of the spotlight?

Thanks Gillian for the opportunity to borrow your blog for a bit, but now I need to get off the brown leather chair and do some real work.

Monday Male

Well, its been a week since our first feature of Monday Male and so its time to introduce Kim Ayres to you.  He is a wonderful Scots blogger over at ramblings of the bearded one . 

Kim aged 43, has 2 children, 3 stepchildren and 3 grandchildren. He has been with his artist wife, Maggie, for 19 years and has been in the midst of a midlife crisis for about 25 years (no end in sight yet...). He is a philosopher by education, a portrait photographer by profession, and a musician whenever possible, playing the mandolin and bouzouki at local folk sessions.

Kim's claim to fame is from when he was 17 years old - the landscape gardening firm he briefly worked for used to do the grounds of John Paul Jones, bass player of Led Zeppelin. JPJ spoke to him once, uttering the profound and life changing words, "You can put those grass clippings over there...".

Life changing stuff indeed...

Five years ago Kim weighed 85lbs more than he does now.  When questioned about it, he will reveal there are two secrets to weight loss. Firstly, is to concentrate on eating healthily and allow any weight loss to be the side effect, rather than the aim and the second is to understand the multiple reasons why we eat more than our body needs in the first place, and develop strategies to tackle them. It works, but he never said it was easy.  Kim has a separate blog monitoring his weight Losing a Hundredweight. 

So, if you want an answer to anything from our dear Kim, be sure to mention whether you are after the 30 second or 30 minute reply, otherwise he WILL talk your ears off for hours on end.

I adore reading his blog and keeping up to date with his ramblings. 

Here are Kim's feature questions and answers:

1. What are your five non-negotiables in a woman?

"Non-negotiables" implies an idea of dominance and of laying down the law. And while this might work with some people, it doesn't with most of the ones I know - including my wife. Tell them that this or that MUST NOT be done, and the temptation is to immediately go out and do it. Consequently, I've found the best way to move forward is through discussion and finding the points of mutual understanding.

You could say the primary desire is that we both want to be together and to make our relationship work. Everything else follows from that. If that desire is strong enough, we can overcome any obstacles. If it isn't then it all falls apart.


Finding a list of 4 more is unnecessary - either something contributes to, makes no difference to, or takes us away from, that primary aim

2. What do you wish someone had told you before you became a dad?

I don't think there's anything anyone could have told me to prepare me for the reality of fatherhood. It would be like advising a 10 year old boy who still thinks girls are stupid, on the best ways to interact with women - until the change happens, he wouldn't have the concepts and framework to understand what you'd tell him. Truly understanding what it feels like to be a Dad is incomprehensible to someone who isn't.

3. Do you think women prefer men with beards?

There's a definite split here. I've sat in a room with a group of girls going on about just how much they despise face fuzz, which I must admit I thought was rather tactless. But my wife loves beards, and would be horrified if I shaved it off. In the 19 years we've been together, she has never seen my chin. And on the occasions I've suggested it, the look she has given me has made it quite clear how she feels about the issue. I don't think it counts as a "non-negotiable," but it must be pretty damn close where Maggie is concerned

4. What is the correct answer when your woman asks, "Does my arse look fat in this?"

There is no correct answer - it's a lose-lose scenario. However, "Maybe I'll write a blog post about why women are obsessed about how clothes affect the size of their arses..." is a good way of ensuring I don't get asked again.

5. If you had to take a photo portfolio of someone famous, who would it be and why?

Someone with an older, more interesting face who wasn't worried about having to look young and glamorous. Expressive faces with lives etched on to them are infinitely more captivating than some plastic smooth skinned 23-year old. Helen Mirren, Maggie Smith or Keith Richards leap to mind

6. If you could sum yourself up in one photo you have taken, which one would it be and why?

I don't think it's possible to sum someone up in one image. We are 3 dimensional creatures who live through the movement of time. A 2 dimensional image of 1/250th of a second is an idea, a momentary representation, and certainly not an accurate Truth. It would be like trying to sum up a complex piece of music in a single note. A good portrait then, is a construct to fashion a mood or concept that creates an implication of something beyond that 250th of a second. For the past year or so, I would say my favourite image of myself is the one from this blog post. 

7. Why do you think so many men cheat on their spouses?

This is not an area I have any expertise in, never having cheated on any woman I was with. Perhaps I just felt so fortunate any woman would want to be with me in the first place, I didn't want to risk losing her. Perhaps the "right" opportunity never presented itself. Perhaps I knew I would feel so devastated myself if it happened the other way round that I could never inflict that on someone I loved. Whatever the reason(s), I cannot imagine ever cheating on Maggie, so don't feel in a position to give you an answer to this question.

8. What is it like for you and your family having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

Crap.

9. What is your favourite motto for life?

That life is entirely about the journey, not the destination. There's only one final destination for all of us and we never know when it's going to arrive, so it's vitally important we enjoy the journey. We keep putting life off until the kids have left home or the mortgage is paid off or until we retire. But what if we never get there? Well, then we never had a life. We have to make the most of the now.

10. Boobs or Bums?

This completely and utterly depends on the mood I'm in. Either can dominate my attention or desires.


Here is some of Kim's brilliant writing.  Very powerful and profound stuff.  Go have a listen to the audio written and read by the gentleman in questions.

Thanx again Kim, you're one in a million!!

Monday Male

Remember I told you about a week ago I was going to have a male Guest Blogger visiting us, to give us gals a male perspective on general stuff?  Well, I've decided to make a feature out of it as I've had a few positive responses on being a male guest on my wee blog.  Who would've known?

So, let me introduce to you Blase over at My Game..It's Your Move.  He's a southern boi from Raleigh, North Carolina, is extremely opinionated and incredibly witty and funny.  He loves his salt water aquarium,  music and spanking (but thats another animal altogether).  He has some warped points of view but never fails to entertain me and his followers almost daily with his original blog posts.  Blase, has a brilliant variety of followers and regularly blogs  "You Say, I Say" posts where he replies on his reader's comments and I look forward to these.

Get to know him better through this question and answer session I had with him.  Be sure to give his blog a visit too.


1.How long have you been blogging?

Since the last week in March of 09

2. Why did you start blogging?

I enjoy communicating, expressing my thoughts, and entertaining. I talked it over with SB, and she recommended that I pursue blogging believing that I would do well with it.

3. What do you blog about mostly?

I think you would have to ask my readers, because I sure as hell don't know. My Blog is like a Box of Chocolates...

4. Have you ever serenaded a girl?

Hold on, I need to grab my dictionary. OH, why of course! I once posted about the time I serenaded SB and a few dozen others during our Ocean Cruise back in 2000. I think it is called Karaoke?? Someone grabbed SB's camera and took one of her standing and applauding me while I performed. It wasn't long afterwards that I discovered that "serenading" peaked SB's sexual drive in a way that I will never forget. You are welcome to find it at my Blog and read about our post-serenade sexcapade.

5. What are your five non-negotiables in a woman?

No smoking. I don't kiss cigarette trays...
If you can't handle the truth, then shut the hell up with your questions
A woman that tends to forget who is wearing the penis in our relationship
Prone to complain. You know, she isn't satisfied until she says something negative in every damn situation
A woman that 'let's herself go'. Too much gaining of weight is being disrespectful of her man/husband. Please your man by taking care of your health/figure.

6. What song would you choose as the soundtrack of your life?

'I still haven't found what I'm looking for'. No, just kidding. 'Stuck in the middle with You', because much of my life I've felt like a Tampon trying to please everyone around me. Again, just kidding. Um..well.... how 'bout -'You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet', by BTO. I'm always trying to outdo some mutherfucker...

7. What is your favourite thing about your hometown where you stay and why?

Me and the wife live in a wealthy area (even though we lack wealth) which gives us easy access to most everything we need or want. We are about 3 hours drive from the Smokey Mountains/Blue Ridge Mountains, and about 2 hours from the Atlantic Coast. And, between where we live to anywhere we go...it seems there are McDonalds EVERYWHERE! I love me some Big Macs!

8. What do you wish someone had told you before you got married?

Don't ever get married! Let's see....Actually I've had more than one elderly woman advise me that I should make it clear to my wife the way it's going to be, right from the 'get go'. I guess I was fortunate to have gotten some words of wisdom.

9. Do you think men really understand women or do they just "wing it" and pretend?

It's on an individual basis. You can't get one answer by categorizing. More men "understand" women better than they pretend. It is one thing to "understand", it is another to tolerate and accept. So, we 'understand' why women are complicated, but having what it takes to live with it, is another animal altogether.

10. What is the correct answer when your woman asks "Does my arse look fat in this?"

First of all, MY woman will already understands that if she asks me a question, she will receive an honest answer. Trying to figure out if I should tell the truth on THIS one, or lie about it.....well, I just don't have time for that shit. "Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies" is foreign to my vocabulary.

11.Do you think all women want is security, money, companionship and someone to nag?

It's not what I "think".....it's a Fact! But, that doesn't mean that she must attain it. Your key-word was "want".


12. Do all men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women?

Again, this is one you can't categorize. So, no, I don't think "all" men want that. I'm one that does. But, even if she has all that, it doesn't mean that she will not lack in other areas. And, those traits will not guarantee that she will make a great wife/companion.

13. Do men always long for the bachelor life once they find themselves in a long-term committed relationship?

Some do, some don't. Despite what society wants you to believe about us men, all men are not at the same levels regarding the 'typical' traits in men. Having said the aforementioned, most any man will ponder the idea of "bachelorhood" if the woman gets out-of-hand with her insecurities and hissy-fits.

14. Dinner party for four ? who would the other 3 people be that you invite?

My wife and any two other women that have that 'look' in their eyes. I've always wanted a foursome! Dinner, I'm referring to DINNER.

15. What is your favourite quote?

"Things are not always what they appear to be".
This quote prevents one from coming to judgment too quickly.

Thanks and again for participating, Blase!

Stay tuned for another "Monday Male" and a look through another man's eyes next week.

Surprise! Coming Soon....Guest Blogger

I am soopa excited to tell you I have a Surprise Guest Blogger coming to these parts very soon, Plonkers.


I figured because I have so many female readers and followers, I would ask one of my fellow male bloggers some questions that women want to know the answers to, and have him a voice on my wee blog. 


If all goes well with my Guinea Pig, I may have to ask some of my other fellow male bloggers to do the same.


Stay tuned and keep visiting over the next few days to find out who it is.


Toodle Pip!